"Having a child is the most beautiful thing in the world",
they all tell us that...

I am Audrey, 33 years old, mother of a 3-year-old little Léonie and founder of the June 22 baby carrier brand.

In 2015 when I got pregnant with Léonie all the stars seemed aligned to have a child!

I had a super good job in the luxury sector, my husband had set up his company and we owned a small Parisian apartment.

Married for 1 year, we thought it was time!

Already, the adventure of motherhood began for me with a miscarriage 5 months before becoming pregnant with Léonie. I say this because I think it played a lot on my Parental Burn Out.

In life I am a person who likes to control and organize things. Well, the first lesson I learned in my new life as a mom was that I was no longer going to control anything !

When Léonie was born on June 22, 2016 (hence the name of my brand June 22 ;-) ), nothing happened as planned. My daughter was going to be snatched from me brutally at birth, transferred to another hospital. SHOCK #1!

SHOCK #2, they were going to bring it back to me 48 hours later without telling me. It was at this precise moment that it all began.

At the maternity ward I already felt overwhelmed , as if sucked in by this je ne sais quoi that made me unable to think.

Breastfeeding is obviously super bad. It did not work ! One more thing that I was not going to be able to control! I had no milk… she was hungry… we switched to bottle feeding = checkmate.

The return home, the one we are impatiently awaiting…. I found myself even more overwhelmed by this feeling of overflow and the pompom was when my husband returned to work after only a few days with us.

I had no energy, I didn't even know what I was thinking about during the day. I felt like a robot . I was set to take care of my daughter. Feed her, wash her, change her, cuddle her. Where was I during all those times? I don't know. Today when I try to remember a typical day during my morning leave, I find it hard to know what I was really doing.

However, I remember very well that my only moment of release was my shower… 15 minutes of shower. 15 minutes for me. Usually in the evening when my husband was home.

This infernal spiral, I thought it was going to stop when I resumed work. Big mistake ! Things only got worse. I felt like my neurons had been stolen , I couldn't be as efficient as before. I was living 2 days in 24 hours. Always tired...

When one day I said to myself that it couldn't last any longer, I made an appointment with the attending physician. The verdict quickly fell: “Madam you have a parental burnout” . Heuuu, a what ???!!!

"But wait, isn't parenting supposed to be the most beautiful thing in the world?" Why does this happen to me? I who thought I was ready to have a child…” Once again, I was wrong…

Making a child is simple! Life with a child can be more complicated...

I took drugs. Yes I'm not ashamed to say it because it was either that or the descent continued.

I loved my daughter more than anything! It wasn't all his fault. I just needed a little help to get out of it, that's all.

One day while I was on Facebook, I saw an ad for the program La Maison des Maternelles . They were looking for people to testify on the subject of parental burnout. I said to myself “come on, let’s go. We do violence to ourselves and we face reality! You're better, it's time to put an end to this whole story! ".

This broadcast, this testimony was very salutary. It allowed me to take a step back from the situation . I'm not going to say it all happened overnight because that's not true, but it helped me.

We finally recognized that, yes, there was something wrong. Yes, it was serious . That yes it was very real and especially in the eyes of my relatives and in particular those of my mother and my husband.

My mother who told me “but I don't understand Audrey. What are you overwhelmed with? Léonie is an adorable little girl. In my time blah…”

And my always ultra-positive husband who kept repeating to me “but everything is fine Audrey, look! We have a house, a job, a healthy little girl…”

Well yes, but still I was not well and it was not cinema!

So. Today I got out. My therapy also went through great changes.

The first: to quit my job.

The second: to take time for myself, to reflect on what I really wanted to do with my life.

The third to create my brand June 22.

June 22 is the culmination of our story. I say “our” because it is also Léonie's.

Thanks to June 22 I know that moms and babies are soothed. Carrying contributes to weaving links and to this feeling of osmosis that I would have liked to feel so much at the time!

When I am asked the question of the small second well it is not obvious to me. I didn't expect to experience this so much and I'm afraid to experience it again!

Moral of the story, if you ever feel that you too are "borderline", do not stay in your corner, do not isolate yourself, do not hesitate to ask for help from your doctor, a psychologist, at PMI.

There are even associations like Maman Blues which have branches all over France.

The professionals are there for that and it's sometimes better than talking to your best friend or your mom who are necessarily less neutral in this story.

Audrey, Founder of June 22 baby carriers.

May 27, 2019 — audrey timbert kiavué


Julia said:

Merci Merci Merci
De partager avec nous ton histoire. En te lisant ce matin sur le chemin du travail, j’en ai les larmes aux yeux…
La similitude de nos vécus me touche beaucoup.
En 2015, mariée depuis 1 an, nous décidons de mettre en route notre premier. Le bonheur quoi. Tout chavire le 21 février 2016 au moment de la césarienne après un déclenchement et 30h de travail… Un allaitement douloureux, trop court et vécu comme un échec. Le retour à la maison et la solitude des journées. La reprise du boulot fut une illusion de bouffée d’air et suivi d’une importante prise de poids. Il m’a fallu plus d’un an avant d’accepter mon rôle de mère. J’aurais aimé réussir à demander de l’aide…
Aujourd’hui, nous envisageons le deuxième et cela me terrifie. Cela fait plus de 6 mois que je m’y prépare. J’en ai envie mais le souvenir de ce que j’ai vécu me paralyse parfois !
J’espère que je serais en mesure de demander de l’aide cette fois-ci.

Finalement ce n’est pas si évident et naturel d’être maman dans le monde d’aujourd’hui et c’est super de voir des femmes qui s’expriment sur ce sujet pour permettre à d’autres de se sentir moins seules et plus fortes.

Donc encore merci :)

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